Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!! 
It is hard to believe that it has been 6 weeks already since Jesiah joined our family.  It feels like it has been a day in many ways and in so many more it feels like he has always been here. 

We have grown leaps and bounds together over the last several weeks.  Jesiah is growing each day and is learning a new sign or word each day it seems. (His newest words and most favorite to say are puppy, happy, and bug).   He is beginning to try many new foods and enjoying exploring others.  Once a week we go to the little gym, where Jesiah has had the opportunity to run, swing, jump, tumble and forward roll over and over.  We have swapped rooms with the girls and now Katelyn is sharing with Jesiah.  She is a very deep sleeper and doesn't seem bothered if he is talking early in the morning.  Jesiah has gained 4 molars in the last 6 weeks which has been a feat in itself. He loves to read books and we often find him exploring intently over each page pointing
out "puppy's."  He seems to be adjusting well to having three sisters and a dog.  The girls and the dog seem to be enjoying him as well. 

Over the last few weeks I have taken some time to reflect on Christ's birth.  This year, God has been showing me over and over the manger, the hay, the cloths Jesus was wrapped in. 
"... and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. she wrapped him cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." ~ Luke 2:7  God sent his son, pure, blameless, a king and had him placed in a dirty, manure filled trough of hay.  Like this trough, we too come before him full of dirt, selfishness, jealousy, anger, loneliness, contempt...the list goes on.  God once again wants to place His son in our hearts full of dirt and make it clean.  Are we willing to let him take residence in our hearts?  Are we willing to take out our trash and truly focus on what matters in this world?  As I look around and think about those in my life, my heart is sad.  There are many broken people, hurting, sick people.  God doesn't promise to take the hurt away but He promises to provide a way through when we place our trust completely in Him. 

The girls and I have been talking about the "true meaning of Christmas."  We have been reflecting on ways we can help, and I reminded them that 9 months ago, God asked us to help.  We opened our hearts and home to the possibility of helping and today I realized that through this willingness God gave us a gift, a gift in Jesiah.  The joy we find each day in the little things he accomplishes removes any questions we may have had about "are we doing the right thing?" 

My prayer this Christmas, is that you will take time to examine your heart.  Where are your priorities?  Where do you spend the majority of your time?  Is God getting your left overs?  I pray that you will accept His gift to make your heart truly clean and allow Him to help you find a way through all of your dirt and filth. 
"Be joyful always;  Pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

life with 6

Finally, after 21/2 weeks I have found a few moments to write an update and post a few pics.  I cannot believe that Jesiah has been home for almost 3 weeks already.  The last few weeks have flown by and we are all slowly adjusting.  At night I am completely exhausted and find myself falling asleep on the couch at 9pm.  When I take time to reflect on all that has gone on in the last few weeks I realize my exhaustion is justified :) For those of you interested I will share a quick recap of not only our changes but Jesiah's too.
On Nov. 10 we signed official papers with our adoption worker in the morning and then picked Jesiah up from his foster home and brought him home.  It was a very bitter/sweet day.  Alexa was so concerned over why our friend was so sad when she was so happy.  She shed some tears herself as she has a huge caring heart and hates to see others sad.  Jesiah joined our household like any other day that he has been here.  He was full of curiosity and wonder over the dog, the dog food, the dogs water, the cupboards, what's inside the cupboards,the toilet, the garbage, the fireplace, the fan, the remotes, the buttons for the dvd player and shaw box, and wii, and xbox.  The new truck ramp that we bought him sat untouched in the living room as he explored everything in the house that we would prefer him not to explore. We picked up his sisters from school and then came back home and continued to redirect his curiousity back to the toys in the living room.  That night his foster family came over to say goodbye and to celebrate with dinner and cake.  Around 8, our friends said good bye and we were on our own, our family of 6, ready to begin this new journey that God has entrusted to us.
I am still in awe that God chose us to raise Jesiah.  Who am I that I could take care of yet another one of God's children?  I feel inadequate some days, my energy already spent in so many other places, yet I persevere for God's glory and His Kingdom. 
We have experienced much change... Jesiah was not sleeping through the night when he came and within three days we were able to help him sleep through the night and transition him from bottles to a sippy cup.  We have now spent the last 3 weeks working at introducing new foods and creating a love for food.  We discovered that he loves pork sausages that our neighbor made.  This was his first huge feat at trying something new other than pasta and cheese (his favorites).  Since then we have been able to offer him a variety of fruits, meats and vegetables as long as they are ground up together first.  I love my ninja.  It grinds our dinner to the perfect consistency of wet cat food, and Jesiah eats it right up.  Such a blessing :)  We meet with the dietician on Wednesday and hopefully we will be able to get some ideas on how to slowly chunkify food and separate it in a way that he will eat more.
Not only has Jesiah started to enjoy food, he has also stopped dumping ruffy's water and pulling everything out of the cupboards :)  We even put up the Christmas tree this weekend and he is enjoying looking not touching.  Another absolutely exciting thing for me that I love at this age is teaching babies sign language and seeing them respond.  Jesiah has caught onto eat, more, drink, stars, book, all done and uses them appropriately.  He is so pleased with himself.  I find baby signs help huge with the whining and screaming that often happens due to frustration when we don't understand what they are trying to tell us.  We are working on please and thank you as well. 
Jesiah detested bath time when he arrived and screamed blue murder if he even saw the water.  This weekend we were able to put him in the tub and he played with his sisters for over 1/2 an hour splashing and enjoying every moment.  It was such a wonderful treat to see him happy in the tub. 
He loves being outside and has enjoyed exploring the snow and all the "wet" it has to offer.  I also took Jesiah to the little gym this past week and he had so much fun doing forward rolls and monkey hangs on the bar.  We hope to start going regularly to classes there. 
Well, it is time to get back to the busyness of life with a 1 year old, amidst my 5,7, and almost 10 year old and day home children.  Enjoy these pics, and if you think of us please pray for energy, strength, patience and joy as we continue to transition and develop a new bond with Jesiah.

We said YES!!!

After much waiting, praying, wondering, and more waiting we finally had our info sharing yesterday.  It went very well.  It was wonderful to actually be able to put a face to the names of the people we have been having many conversations with over the last several months.  After learning about Baby C (officially), learning a bit more about the legal risk and learning about his routine we were given 24 hours to make a decision. We weren't allowed to decide before that time.  We left the meeting full of joy and excitement. 

At 8:30 this am, Steve and I made the phone call to our worker, and with joy, we said YES! 

We are excited to see this journey of the adoption process come to an end. As we embark on the new journey of raising 4 children, I have to say, yes I am scared, but so full of anticipation as well.  The girls are ecstatic.  Alexa is telling everyone we meet, including the lady at walmart, cashier at the movie theater, and people we meet on the street that she is going to have a brother.  It is wonderful to see their joy.

And so... on Thursday, November 10th we will be welcoming our son and brother, JESIAH CONNER home to stay.  I was given permission to share a few pictures:

I am so happy to finally be able to share a picture and the name we have chosen for our son.  Conner was his given name, which is why we call him Baby C.  We chose to keep a part of his birth name in his name as a way to remember his birth mother.  After many months of discussions and votes we finally decided on Sunday, with the girls help, to name Baby C, Jesiah (rhymes with Messiah).  Jesiah means, God helps.  If you know us well, you know all of our girls names have been chosen based on their meaning.  When we think of Jesiah, we know that only with God's help was he given an opportunity to attach and grow in a healthy, loving environment, and with God's help we will be able to provide this second chance at life.

 

We would like to thank you all for your prayers and encouragement over the last several months.  As we journey into the unknown I ask that you continue to lift us up in prayer if you are able. 

Over the next week could you please pray for Jesiah's transition.  He is coming from an absolutely, amazing foster family who has adored him and no doubt he will be sad.  Please pray for them as they transition into life without Baby C and await their next baby.  Please pray for us as we learn new routines and adapt to new types of chaos (especially from 3:30-5:30 on weekdays when I have 6 kids in the home).

Thank you so much.  I will be sure to post pics of Jesiah's "GOTCHA DAY" soon.

"...but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the one who trust in Him.  Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!" (Psalm 32:10b--11)

We Have a Date!

WE HAVE A DATE!  PRAISE THE LORD!   After months of waiting, and many messages and promises of two weeks... I can finally say, in officially two weeks Baby C will come home!  I am still in shock.  To be honest there were moments in the last few months where I wondered if we would ever receive this phone call.  I think I am still walking around in a fog.

We received a phone call today that Edmonton approved the match!  I am so excited and overwhelmed at the same time that God is entrusting baby C to us.  I have wondered, are we truly the best family for him?  Today, with Edmonton saying yes, God confirmed as well, that yes, he wants us to raise Baby C as our own.  WOW! 

So, what does that mean, and why two more weeks?  Now that they said yes we have to have an info sharing session for legal purposes where we learn everything we don't know/or may not know about Baby C and his history.  The soonest all of the social workers involved can meet is... two weeks, Nov. 7.  We will meet with them in the morning, and then we have 48 hours to decide if we want to proceed.  If we still want to proceed (hmm, let me think about that), then Baby C will come home on Thursday, November 10th.  Once he is home, we will begin the official adoption paperwork that takes about a year.

And so... for two more weeks, we wait.  Well sort of.  Now begins the list making and nesting instinct.  What do I need to do to get ready?  What can we do to prepare? 

Thank you all for your prayers.  We will continue to update you as we can.  Over the next two weeks please pray that we will be able to continue to focus on today and enjoy each moment that we have.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

trust

Well, two weeks has come and gone, and still we have heard nothing... That seems to be the common theme, every two weeks we hear "two more weeks."  My heart breaks today.  Not so much for Baby C, he is safe, growing, and in a loving home.  My heart breaks for all the babies.  There are so many babies that have the opportunity for life, but no one to care for them.  There are no beds for them to rest in.  They are lying in offices waiting for a home, for somebody to be able to care for their basic needs.  Here I sit, helpless, waiting for the government, waiting, two more weeks.  Today, I pray.  I pray that God will give strength to the weak, patience to the anxious, comfort to the lonely and abused, joy to the burdened.  I pray for the social workers.  Though they are overworked, weary, tired, worn out, I pray that they will find the strength and energy to do the paperwork.  The paperwork not just for Baby C, but the paperwork for all the waiting potential foster homes and the waiting adoptive homes.  I pray that those God is speaking to will listen.  If God is telling someone to do respite, foster or even adopt, I pray that they will start the process.  We may be the only link these children have to a future, not only here on earth but eternally. 
God has laid several passages of scripture on my heart today.  I choose to focus on these, and find my strength and comfort from them:

Psalm 27:14

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”       

Isaiah 40:31

 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

Genesis 8:6-12

After another forty days, Noah opened the window he had made in the boat  and released a raven. The bird flew back and forth until the floodwaters on the earth had dried up. He also released a dove to see if the water had receded and it could find dry ground. But the dove could find no place to land because the water still covered the ground. So it returned to the boat, and Noah held out his hand and drew the dove back inside.  After waiting another seven days, Noah released the dove again. This time the dove returned to him in the evening with a fresh olive leaf in its beak. Then Noah knew that the floodwaters were almost gone. He waited another seven days and then released the dove again. This time it did not come back.

I think of Noah.  Here he is hearing God say build a boat.  So he builds a boat.  Not just any boat.  This boat took years to build.  Then God sent all the animals to the boat.  Then Noah and his family went on the boat and God closed the doors.  And for the first time ever God sent rain.  Can you imagine what it would be like to see water falling from the sky and have no clue what it was?  It rained and rained and rained.  When it finally stopped Noah wasn't able to open up the door and just get out and start life again. He had no clue what was going to happen.  His only choice was to trust God. Trust Him completely.  God asks us to trust Him.  Not just today, when things are going well, but every day.  When there is no way out, when the floods are high and it feels like we can't survive, he asks us to trust.  I pray that we will trust, TODAY.

Good News... hopefully

Today we finally recieved some good news... sort of.  Again for those of you praying, now is the time we need it :)  I talked with my worker today and everything is good to go on our end.  Unfortunately a form in Baby C's file is not and it may take a few months for it to be finished.  So, his worker has applied for a legal risk placement.  What this means is that Baby C can be placed with us until the form comes back and then we can proceed with the finality of the adoption. If for any reason something happens with the form we risk that Baby C will be taken from us... this is extremely unlikely.  The application goes to Edmonton and they decide if they will place under legal risk terms.  If they decide yes, he could come home in about two weeks, if they say no it may be a few months still.  I know that God is in complete control and I have perfect peace.
Philippians 4:4-7 says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 
This is my prayer.  That I will choose to focus on TODAY and TRUST HIM completely.
Please join our family in prayer that Edmonton will accept the application, and we can move ahead in bringing Baby C (well Toddler C now) home.
I will keep you posted when I hear something new.  Thank you to all of you praying and for your encouragement.  Some days are tough, but with God's strength alone we are able to focus on Today and not get caught up in the what ifs, whys, whens and hows.

Forever Reign

As I sit here today and reflect on the last 6 1/2 months I am in awe of all God is reminding me of.  I have no new news today.  We are still waiting on paperwork.  Many days I am frustrated by this, I am frustrated by the process, I am saddened at how many lives are being put on hold in our world because of "the system."  But today, I am looking at it through different eyes.  Today, my focus in on Jesus.  With worldly eyes we don't understand but when we turn our eyes to Him, we have to trust that His timing is ultimate and perfect.  It is my understanding that we are still waiting for 2 signatures, a trip to Edmonton for our paperwork (not us) and then our info sharing.  In my mind this could take days, but in reality it may take weeks or months.  So in the meantime I can choose to be anxious, frustrated, worried, annoyed, even angry... or I can choose to enjoy today, focus on Jesus and trust completely in HIM.  Baby C is in good hands, and in God's timing He will be placed in His forever home.  For this I am forever grateful.  And so today, as I choose to fully surrender, my heart, my mind, my everything, I ask that you join me in prayer, that God's will be done, and that He will FOREVER REIGN!

Psalm 146:10

The LORD reigns forever,
your God, O Zion, for all generations.
Praise the LORD.

FOREVER REIGN LYRICS by HILLSONG

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

For I know the plans I have for you...

For those of you that know me well, you know that I don't often get the best sleep.  Last night was one of those nights.  I awoke at 2 and stayed awake until just after 4.  Often these night awakenings are caused by anxiety... last night was no different.  As I poured out my heart to God trying to figure out what his plans are in all of this I heard his still small voice... "I know the plans I have for you, rest in me."  I may not know the plans, but He does.  Who am I to question?  I must trust and rest in Him today.  After conversations with three close friends over the last day God has reaffirmed that it is about Him not me!

The words that brought encouragement:

~We are here for Kingdom purposes not our own pleasures
~Satan is the master of confusion
~This is our hell and we will get our perfection in heaven

We are still waiting... the home study is done, and although very intrusive, long, and emotionally draining, it went very well.  It is amazing to see how it all came together and to see our lives written out on paper and realize that who we strive to be is who we were perceived as.  We were very humbled by those who gave references for us.  You are all an encouragement to us and we love you!  Our home study writer recommended us with flying colors, although her only concern is our finances.  As the other three groups of people read through our home study we trust that if God truly wants to lead us down this path the concern will be mitigated.  So often in our life finances are not stable.  At any time someone can lose a job, unknown circumstances come up... when we trust in God to provide and not allow ourselves to become slaves to money, He proves faithful.  And so, we put our trust in Him. 

So today, I sit here still wondering if we will be chosen to be Baby C's forever family.  Our life and his life is still in the hands of the government.  Only God knows how long it will take for our home study to be read by neccessary social workers.  As I sit and wait and wonder, I know that God is bigger then all of this.  "I know the plans I have for you" is my peace today.  May you be encouraged that God has you in his hands as well when you trust in Him!

From the message:  Philippians 4:6,7
Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Finally, our home study

After finishing our training 3 months ago and just waiting for our homestudy we finally got our call last night.  Most of the waiting has been awaiting a single piece of paper, waiting for new workers to assume positions, waiting for this worker to return from holidays, and then another worker to return from holidays and then waiting for yet another worker to return from holidays... so when we got the call last night the first thing the homestudy writer said was... I am going on holidays tomorrow.  I laughed and cried at the same time.  It is so crazy that there are so many willing and waiting families to give these children homes, and so many children waiting for homes but due to paperwork and holidays things are held up.  I keep reminding myself that God is in control and there is a reason everything is taking longer, only He knows.  Seeking peace each day and taking time to enjoy each moment for what it is, is what I am striving for. 
So, the week of July 18th we will have 4 homestudy appointments lasting about two hours each.  We will be interviewed as a family and then interviewed one on one.  The girls will be interviewed as well.  After this, the homestudy writer will put together her 30 page report with her recommendation.  Once this happens our new worker will review our report and with her team leader give her recommendation.   Then baby C's worker will review and give her recommendation.  If all is a go, then we will have an info sharing session with Baby C's worker, our worker, and Baby C's foster mom.  At this point we will have 48 hours to decide if we will proceed.  And then Baby C will get to come home.
Throughout all of this Baby C and his current family will be going away on holidays for a month :( 
Please pray for the strength and peace we need to enjoy each day, the energy and stamina to endure the homestudy and that Baby C will be placed with us soon.

Still Waiting...

As you can probably tell if you are following our blog not much has been happening to post about.  We are still in waiting mode and seeking God for guidance and patience in the meantime.  We finished our last course on April 30.  Mom K came up from Lethbridge to help with our girls and they all seemed to have a wonderful visit.  We had a few obstacles getting to the class in the morning, (extreme unexplained sickness from Steve, a flat tire, and a sleepless night for me) but we made it to the class right on time and learned so much about attachment.  Later that night Mom K got to meet Baby C, it was so wonderful to see them connect.  Dad K drove up Sunday and got to meet Baby C as well, what a blessing.  I so wish I could post pics :(  Soon, I hope. 
We were hoping our homestudy would have happened right away.  Unfortunately CYIM checks (Child Intervention Checks) are back logged and are taking a long time to process.  Because of this we cannot start our homestudy until our check arrives.  After a few different phone calls we did receive some good news on Thurs, June 2 from the receptionist at Child Family Services.  I was told that the check had arrived and my copy was in the mail. I am hoping that the postal strike holds out in our area until my copy arrives.  My worker is away until Monday.  At this time I will call and confirm that the check is there and find out the time line for when we can start the homestudy.
It is such a blessing to be able to see Baby C a few times a week.  He is growing so fast.  He has two teeth now, is commando crawling all around and babbling up a storm.  I am so thankful that he is in a wonderful family right now that is showering him with love daily.  Although it is hard to let him go, I couldn't imagine meeting him and then leaving him in a country and coming home for an unknown amount of time.  We are truly blessed to be able to spend time with him weekly. 
So often we can get caught up in the frustration of paperwork, the lack of opportunity to attach, the milestones we are missing.  This is where the enemy wants us to focus.  I choose to focus on the cross.  If God wants us to be Baby C's forever family, I need to trust Him and His timing.  May God be glorified and exalted through this process.
Please pray for the process to go smoothly and quickly from here.  Pray for all of us as we prepare for the homestudy.  Pray for Baby C, that he will continue to thrive in his current home.
According to 2 Corinthians 4:8,9 when we allow God's glory to shine through us we may be hard pressed but not chrushed, perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.  This is my prayer.  Today, and always.

Waiting in Faith

What a most wonderful weekend.  Not only were we able to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior and the New Life we have in Him, but we were also able to do this with Baby C.  We were asked to do respite for him on the Wednesday for Thursday to Sunday.  It was actually his worker who suggested it.  We had a very busy and enjoyable weekend.  We visited the zoo, the park, church and with friends and family.  Baby C did very well through it all and even slept through the night twice for the first time.  He enjoyed meeting so many new faces and was full of smiles and laughs for them all. 
We finish up our courses this weekend and then will begin our homestudy in the next few weeks.  Baby C's worker is very encouraging and uplifting and thinks the process will go fast.  She reassured Baby C's foster mom that they will not let his profile go public until they have ruled us out.  What an answer to prayer. Please pray for us as we go through the next month of questioning in the home study and processing all the changes and what we believe God is asking of us.  We are very excited to be Baby C's potential family but I have to admit that I am a little scared too.  Scared of the unknown and if I really can be a good mother to all four children... God knows my fears and I trust that He will give me a complete peace and relieve any anxiety.
It is so so exciting to see the girls fully embrace Baby C, hug him, cuddle him, and make him laugh.  Steve finally allowed himself to truly connect as well and it was amazing to see the bond that is forming.  Although we haven't been matched as of yet, we believe that the more love Baby C is given  now the better his chance of attachment will be later.
Thank you for keeping us in your prayers.

Alexa's heart

So we watched baby c all day today.  It was wonderful.  Then we spent the evening with his family.  While we were driving home Alexa asked, "where is baby C?"  We said, "he is at his house."  And she said, "oh, can't he be with us?"  And we asked, "you mean for the day?"  And she said "not just the day, all the time, I want him to sleep with us, I want to adopt him."  My heart melted.

Exciting News!

The time has come for us to share with you our exciting news!  After several years, much prayer and lots of joy we are ready to share that we have put in our application to adopt a brother for our girls, and a son for us.  The last month has been a whirlwind but we are pleased to say that our application is in and our journey has begun.  We have actually applied for a specific child that we are very close with.  The girls are ecstatic and we pray that if it be God's will the adoption workers will choose us to be his forever family. 
For safety reasons at this time we cannot share many details other than we call him baby c and he is 7 months old.
The next few months will be filled with adoption classes and an extensive home study at which time the adoption worker will make her decision for the best match for baby c.
Isaiah 54 has been a comfort to me as we have prayed through the beginning of this journey.  This chapter is filled with verses on compassion, unfailing love, peace, and joy.
We ask that you will pray with us and for us as we embark on the next step in this journey.  We pray that we will be protected from the emotional roller coaster.  We pray that a decision will happen quickly so that baby c can begin his life in his forever home.  We also pray that baby c will continue to thrive in the amazing home he is in now.  We pray that he will be comforted and loved as he grows and develops.
I will do my best to keep this blog updated as we go through the process.  Please check back often.  At this time I cannot post pictures but hopefully will be able to soon.